CSI: Miami
I can’t remember ever seeing an episode of CSI: Miami, but I distinctly remember seeing the opening credits to CSI: Miami. They freaking nailed it.
Seriously, what a perfect song choice for the intro. You know the song. It goes, DA-NUHHHHHHHHHHHH DUN DUN… YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Yeah, you know it. I’ll tell you anyway. It’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” by The Who, from their 1971 album, Who’s Next.
I wonder if I did the grammar right on that last sentence. Hm. Never mind - What’s even crazier is that while I was questioning the grammar I lost my track and as I paused, trying to remember my point, I got a notification from a headline about a new Alzheimer’s drug that’s been approved but is “still out of reach for many”. That’s the kind of coincidence that a pessimist could twist into a bad omen, but it’s 2023 now and hope and positivity are back in style so… not today, CNN.
What I was trying to say was, I love that intro. A team of criminal investigators, that “won’t get fooled again” - they tell you right there in the song. And yet, these bad guys keep trying to fool them. Every time! They never do, though. Classic TV.
That show came out in 2002 and I started listening to The Who around 2008 so I had about four good years of being like, “I love this song” whenever I heard it on tv. It was chill.
The song truly is epic, though. The synthesizer entrances you and transports you to a place without time and begins you on a revolutionary mission. You can’t tell anybody the moment you enter the flow, but all of a sudden you realize you’re in it and it carries your soul for a while. Declarative power chords, cascading bass lines, frantic drums, that ever developing synth… they fly you all the way up to that cathartic scream, that “yeah”. There, you emerge brand new, with your spirit revitalized and your transformation complete. Now you’re ready to kick ass. Rock ‘n’ roll.
At least, that’s what it does for me. So when Tanner asked me completely out of the blue if I wanted to go see The Who at the Hollywood Bowl on a Wednesday night about two months ago I was like “yeah that sounds cool.” I met Tanner and his cousin and his uncle at a parking lot where a shuttle picked us up and took us to the Bowl. I was looking forward to it but I had no idea what I was in for.
Peter Townshend is 77 years old. Roger Daltry is 78. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, seeing The Who play live in 2022 is one of the greatest, most glorious musical moments I have witnessed in my life. I watched them play songs from 50 years ago with a full symphony orchestra and for a moment my eyes welled up. I guess that’s the spirit of music, but there was something about seeing someone who’s having fun doing the thing they love to do and doing it for so long. Being able to create a moment like the one I was having for hundreds of thousands of people over five decades, and finding joy in that creation - it’s a testament to love and the power of art. All I could think about watching that show was how much fun it looked like they were having, windmilling on the guitar and singing at the top of their lungs, with 80 right around the corner, and how badly I hope to be able to do that at the Hollywood Bowl when I’m their age. When I get down on myself I try to remind myself to be grateful that I’m lucky enough to try to make that moment for myself every day.
So yeah, somebody at CSI: Miami picked a great song for that intro.
Do You Hear That?
62 Down: [Is this thing on?] - TAPTAP
It’s 11 a.m. on a Sunday in Hollywood. I’m in the backyard having my weekly breakdown with a coffee and the New York Times Crossword. I’m on a 97 day streak completing the crossword but this one isn’t making any sense and I’m not seeing any answers.
I’m frustrated this time not because of the crossword but because I don’t have as much money as I want. Zoom in. I’m sour about how much easier it’d be to advertise our music and bring in more attention if I had a bigger budget. Zoom in more and I’m really specifically annoyed by the mystery of Instagram and why it appears to have decided I’ve oversaturated my market with content leading up to Where Do You Go (presave) and so it exposes my content to less and less followers every day. It seems unfair that they can decide how to prioritize what people who decided to follow us see, but I’m not voicing a novel concern here. I’m also getting some fill, but still not understanding the theme of the crossword today - “Do You Hear That?”
122 Across: Challenging, informally - GNARLY
Bryana is indulging me while I’m ranting about how doomed the whole thing is. I appreciate that. I don’t believe all of what I’m saying, but this is how I get sometimes so she lets me go. It’s a bit of a bad habit I have, getting real down on myself sometimes. Sometimes I bury myself under all the negative stuff and it begins to feel like I’m playing a rigged game. That’s not true though.
The truth of it is I’m giving my emotions a bit too much power. I’m lost in the sauce. Except this sauce doesn’t taste good and I’m starting to get sick and I’m throwing up in the sauce and now I’m stuck in it. Gross, isn’t it. Zoom out to find…
The thing I lack in these moments is patience. Today is January 8th 2023, I’m two weeks into a year long plan and our first song hasn’t even come out yet. I take a deep breath and let go the doom and gloom. And guess what? Once I do that I get a couple funny ideas. We can make those. We’ll do that next week. Just see it through and it’ll all be fine. Let me look at this crossword again.
46 Across: Column crossers + Sentry + _
Column crossers = Rows. Sentry = Gaurd. Add a letter. Put it together to make a two word phrase. Rose Garden.
Well, would you look at that?
Where Do You Go by Roe’s Garden. Out this Friday.
There’s Rumi in Here
Part of what I hope to achieve through these writings is to round out the consumer experience with us here at Beautiful Idiots LLC, or to provide context to the creative process in hopes of bringing the audience closer to the essence of the art we’re sharing… basically I’m telling you stuff so you can get to know us so you can enjoy the songs more when they come out. You get it. It’s like… never mind. You get it.
Anyway, that’s all just to say I was flipping through an old poetry book I have, The Essential Rumi and I came across a couple poems I think pair nicely with the upcoming Roe’s Garden release, “Where Do You Go” (presave). The feelings in these poems and this song are like…some kind of wine and some kind of cheese… I don’t really do wine or cheese; I should’ve picked another metaphor.
Rumi was a Persian poet from the 13th century, introduced to me by one of my professors at Chapman University. I want to share these poems here because the feeling I get when I read “A Thirsty Fish” or “Enough Words” is the same longing I was aiming for with the lyrics and the visual aesthetic of the clips I’ve been sharing for Where Do You Go. A sense of tragic beauty that arises when you sit in silence - the love that a romantic believes would balance out an immense loneliness. The insatiable desire that burns in the artist’s stomach that forces them to cry out into the void. Or something like that.
Hope you like these poems. They helped inspire the song. I could’ve just said that.
Poem 1
A THIRSTY FISH
I don’t get tired of you. Don’t grow weary of being compassionate toward me!
All this thirst equipment must surely be tired of me, the water jar, the water carrier.
I have a thirsty fish in me that can never find enough of what it’s thirsty for!
Show me the way to the ocean! Break these half-measures, these small containers.
All this fantasy and grief.
Let my house be drowned in the wave that rose last night in the courtyard hidden in the center of my chest.
Joseph fell like the moon into my well. The harvest I expected was washed away. But no matter.
A fire has risen above my tombstone hat. I don’t want learning, or dignity, or respectability.
I want this music and this dawn and the warmth of your cheek against mine.
The grief-armies assemble, but I’m not going with them.
This is how it always is when I finish a poem.
A great silence comes over me, and I wonder why I ever thought to use language.
Poem 2
ENOUGH WORDS
How does a part of the world leave the world? How can wetness leave water?
Don’t try to put out a fire by throwing on more fire! Don’t wash a wound with blood!
No matter how fast you run, your shadow more than keeps up. Sometimes, it’s in front!
Only full, overhead sun diminishes your shadow.
But that shadow has been serving you! What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle. Your boundaries are your quest.
I can explain this, but it would break the glass cover on your heart, and there’s no fixing that.
You must have shadow and light source both. Listen, and lay your head under the tree of awe. When from that tree, feathers and wings sprout on you, be quieter than a dove. Don’t open your mouth for even a cooooooo.
When a frog slips into the water, the snake cannot get it. Then the frog climbs back out and croaks, and the snake moves toward him again.
Even if the frog learned to hiss, still the snake would hear through the hiss the information he needed, the frog voice underneath.
But if the frog could be completely silent, then the snake would go back to sleeping, and the frog could reach the barley.
The soul lives there in that silent breath.
And that grain of barley is such that, when you put it in the ground, it grows.
Are these enough words, or shall I squeeze more juice from this? Who am I, my friend?
Staring Out the Window
I’m headed to the airport. Back to Los Angeles today, back to “real life”. Just thinking…
Maybe I’ll finish the crossword on the plane today. There are a lot of state troopers on the Taconic today. I should’ve had some more of my mom’s almond cake before I left.
Last time we were here it was fall. All the leaves were turning. Now they’ve mostly all fallen. Soon it’ll be spring and they’ll have new leaves. Thanks trees, for helping us to breathe and reminding us that growth is constant; change is forever.
I always think about that. Do people really change? Is my answer any different from the last time I asked myself this question?
Is my plan solid? What am I missing? What have I learned in these two weeks, rolling out this song? How can I improve this business? Why does one clip get less views than the other? How many more times will I make this trip?
Just thinking… staring out the window. See you soon, Los Angeles.
Try, Try Again Kevin McCarthy
I’m sitting in my parents’ living room watching the eleventh vote to name a new Speaker of the House. Kevin McCarthy, a Republican candidate from Bakersfield, California has appeared to have now lost eleven times so far, which is hilarious (to me), embarrassing (for him), depressing (to the nation), and maybe even a bit ominous (to people who try to project the future of American politics). The reason he’s losing is because, although Republicans have a majority in the house, it’s a very narrow majority, and there’s a faction within the Republican Party of more extreme representatives that the media are literally comparing to the Joker right now as I write. Like, the Joker, from Batman. According to MSNBC, these extreme right “politicians” just want to watch the world burn.
There haven’t been this many ballots for Speaker since before the Civil War, with the most ballots being 133 in 1855 when Nathaniel Banks won after two months of voting. Unfortunately, the House can’t do ANYTHING else until they choose a new speaker, and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight for our current Congress, so they’re stuck to repeat this sad cycle until something - or about 18 votes in this case - gives.
That’s about where my facts end. I’m not terribly interested. But I am in the business of silver linings these days, so let’s try to find a lesson or two, shall we?
First, there’s the obvious. Regardless of your political preference, you can admit we’re watching a cliche play itself out in the political arena. Say it with me: “If at first you don’t succeed… try, try again.” Now, it could be argued in this case maybe, he should just like, give up? It’s been eleven ballots. He seems powerless within his own party. The bad actors in the House are seemingly not swayed by any sort of logic or reason. Instead, they continue to disrupt political institutions in the style of former President and current loser in general, Donald Trump. So maybe Kevin McCarthy shouldn’t be Speaker of the House, but it doesn’t matter what we think. He persists no matter how futile his attempts may be, and we can learn from that. Keep trying for that thing you want.
The lesson I find a bit more interesting here, presents itself when we look a little deeper into the faction that continues to prevent McCarthy from achieving the majority. These representatives are apparently some of the same people with which McCarthy has aligned himself in the past, at least when it was convenient to him. Last night I was listening to The Daily, where McCarthy was described as someone who would do whatever he felt was necessary to keep in with the “popular kids” to try to advance his own position. Now it looks like all of that cozying up and political shape shifting is coming back to bite him, at the worst time possible. The takeaway for me is: You gotta be yourself.
I’ll put it in another cliche: Stand for something, or fall for anything. Kevin McCarthy, by the media accounts I’ve heard in the past few days, was willing to change his position whenever he needed to, and that strategy is failing him at the most important time of his political career. Don’t be that guy! Have a code and stick to it! Everybody won’t like you and that’s ok!
Update: Kevin McCarthy has lost his eleventh attempt to become Speaker of the House. The twelfth ballot will commence shortly.
105
I’m writing from my phone today. It’s the first time I’ve used the squarespace app so I was exploring a bit and I stumbled upon the analytics page.
Side note, do you remember stumbleupon? I used to spend hours stumbling upon random things on the internet. What a time to be alive.
Anyway, after looking at my analytics I was thoroughly surprised to find out that 105 different people have found their way to my corner of the digital world, so I just wanted to say thank you for spending some time taking in my stories. Regardless of my ambitions and target numbers, I’m incredibly grateful to every single one of the 105 who showed up at the beginning.
I’m off to Broadway tonight to see a show. More about the Roe’s Garden debut coming soon. Hope you have a great day.
Toll Roads
Since we’re finally getting back to releasing music, I wanted to be more intentional about the process. Even though we’re doing this on our own, I want it to feel like there’s a plan, like we’re prepared, and not just like we’re throwing things at the wall to see what sticks… even though that’s essentially what we’re doing. So for me that means extra content to support each song release. You know, like the pros do.
In the case of “Where Do You Go” that meant a series of little video clips that I’ll be posting leading up to the release date, January 13th 2023 (presave the song on spotify here). Now, in the past I’ve tended to take the road of least resistance when it came to content creation. The backyard was as good a place as any to make a video because it was free to use and I was already there. But like I said, this time I want to take it a little further - do everything I can to see the vision all the way through. So when the idea came to me for these teasers and I saw Erica (our vocalist, more on her later) at the beach in black, I had to at least try to make that happen.
This blurry beachy vision informed the album artwork as well - I used a photo I took at Crystal Cove some years ago as part of the composite image that appears on the cover - and since Crystal Cove was going to be on the cover I figured we should go there for the teasers as well. We picked a day that worked for Erica, Understanding, and myself, packed up my camera, scribbled out a couple images in my notebook to use for references and we hit the road. I went to school at Chapman University, so we would frequent the O.C. beaches on weekends, holidays, and some afternoons when the idea of going to class got to be just a little too much, but it had been years since I’d been. I decided to make a day out of it and go in through the canyon, but I forgot about the Toll Roads.
Toll Roads. Ain’t that some shit. You gotta pay just to use a road. Just to get where you wanna go. Forgive my lack of respect. On top of that, I don’t have an EZ-Pass, or whatever you call the California equivalent of an EZ-Pass, so I have to pay the toll online within five days of my trip, which I never - ABSOLUTELY NEVER - remember to do. Then the real kicker is that the fine comes by way of snail mail, and very rarely do I open my mail the day it comes. So once I finally get around to opening a letter, a few weeks or so after it arrives, there’s an additional fee to pay for missing the first penalty. Sure, this last one is on me, but it’s still bullshit. A three dollar toll becomes a sixty dollar toll becomes a ONE HUNDRED dollar toll. I just wanted to take some pictures at the beach.
Once I finish complaining though, I can usually find some perspective in a situation. Life is full of toll roads. I’m on a toll road right now, learning how to run a business. Learning how to use my camera, at the expense of missing the shot every now and then. Refining the sounds of the different artists we will present to the world through trial and error and countless recording sessions. Getting healthier by committing myself to daily exercise and a better diet. Zoom out to see that all of this is experience gained at the expense of time spent, in hopes of getting closer to my ultimate goal. You just gotta pay the toll.
Anyway, the day turned out to be a lot of fun, and we got a bunch of nice frames that I think work nicely as the teasers I envisioned. At the end of the day, I was able to essentially do what I wanted to do for this first rollout, and now the mission is to improve when we do it again for next month’s release.
Hope you like the clips. Hope you get to the beach. Most of all, I hope you find the courage to take the toll road, because it’ll take you where you want to go.
Introducing Roe’s Garden
Today marks the beginning of what will hopefully (if all goes according to plan - which, when does that ever happen) be a constant flow of music, all the way through the year. Beautiful Idiots LLC is proud to present our first act, Roe’s Garden. Their debut single “Where Do You Go” releases January 13, 2023 (01.13.23) and is available now to pre-save on Spotify and pre-order on iTunes and Apple Music. More to come on the act and the music. For now, I just want to say thank you in advance if you choose to listen. We’ve been formulating this plan consciously and sub-consciously for the better part of four years, and we’re so excited to share again. Enjoy.
It’s Okay
First off, Happy New Year! I hope 2023 gives you everything you want out of it. There’s some family here, so I’m squeezing this in super quick while dinner is being prepared. Just here to remind you (and also myself) that while we’re all making resolutions and setting goals for the year, it’s okay to miss a day. Things get out of control, and it’s easy to get caught up in all the things around us. Just write it down somewhere and put it on your wall, or on your desk, and get back to it once you get re-centered. Don’t beat yourself up about being imperfect.
