12th Grade English
By the time I got to senior year of high school, I was ready to be out of high school. Not because I was so smart or anything like that, I just really hated spending all my time in school. None of the work was particularly interesting to me and I had lots of big dreams that I felt were being put on hold to read books I didn’t choose for myself and turn in statistical feats of strength for what seemed to be no reason at all. In the moment, it’s very hard to see what skills will be applicable to the world outside of the classroom. Truthfully, it’s still kind of a mystery to me in most cases. That’s not the point though - I’ve voiced my distaste for school many times but that’s just because I hate when people make me do things that I don’t decide for myself. There’s plenty good that comes with an education.
In Mr. Fletcher’s AP English Lit class, we would always do these “Socratic Seminars” as we read each book. We would move all the desks to the edge of the room to sit in a big circle and Mr. Fletcher would present a topic to us that was related to our reading assignment. Now, to be honest, I barely read anything in high school. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Most all the books we read put me to sleep immediately, so I would be walking into these seminars totally unprepared. Lucky for me, there was a loophole. We would receive credit for participating in the conversation, but the conversation was easy to shift. As soon as we got away from the plot points and moved into a more theoretical discussion, I would chime in and talk about the universal themes or how the concepts can be found in the modern world. Never had to read a page, just had to have an opinion. I mean, I’m sure Mr. Fletcher saw through it and was probably annoyed but, whatever.
There was one seminar though that I still think about fairly regularly. We were reading a book which I don’t remember the name of because… I didn’t read it, but we were speaking about significance, or being important. As a group of fairly bright high school seniors, many of us had ambitions to be somebody, or be held in high regard by the world at large. When you’re young and ambitious it feels like you have to make a difference, you know? Mr. Fletcher then proposed the idea that perhaps significance is relative. I had never considered that.
Maybe it is, though. Is it better to be known a little bit by a lot of people or to be really important to one person? It depends how you see it I guess, but touching one person deeply could be just as if not more rewarding than being kind of recognizable to the masses. Or maybe if you focus on something small, something tangible and close to you, then that can have a butterfly effect. By worrying about your immediate circle you can eventually have that larger effect you desired at the start.
I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s important not to lose sight of the impact you can have on the things and people that you can reach naturally and easily. I think it’s natural to want to be really important on the highest level, but it’s just as rewarding to be important on the level you’re currently at. You could even argue you’ll never get to those higher levels if you don’t start working with where you are.
I want to quote something I read in high school here to wrap it all up nicely but, again, I barely read anything. What a shame.
-J.P.
Everything You Have
Last night, on very late notice, our whole house went to see Jacob Collier at the Hollywood Bowl with the LA Philharmonic Orchestra. It was the second time I’ve seen him live and it was just as impressive as the first. Adding a group of premier musicians like the LA Phil was icing on the cake.
While his music can be challenging at times for the listener, there’s one thing that’s obvious when you see Jacob perform. He’s mastered his craft. His musical vocabulary is limitless, which allows him to realize any idea he hears in his mind almost immediately. He’s so deep in the moment that it seems like he’s just a vehicle for the music that flows through him.
I think the only way you can achieve something like that is buy pouring everything you have into your pursuit. Sure, he’s gifted, but I’m also willing to bet he’s practiced as much or more than just about anyone that comes to mind. When you put in the hard work, it opens up worlds of possibilities for you. All that practice prepares you for the moment, and allows you to be free when it arrives.
It was also nice to get out of the house and do something fun with friends. If I’m being honest, I don’t think I do that enough.
So what did we learn? Practice more and play more.
-J.P.
Notes to Self
I may have put this here before, but I don’t think I have, and I’m not about to read through the eight months worth of thoughts to make sure, so forgive me if I repeat myself. Here’s something I found in an old notebook that helps me keep my focus when I feel lost.
This is a reminder that, when you embark on a journey, somewhere in the middle you will inevitably lose your way. Nothing will make sense and you will wish it was over, or that you never even started your journey at all. This is the point where it is most important to continue.
Look at me, quoting myself. So self-indulgent…
Here’s another one.
If you want to get somewhere, you can’t blame where you were yesterday for where you won’t be tomorrow.
Prettttttty deep.
- J.P.
Two PS5’s cost $1,000
I’m having a hard time. You might not notice it if you see me getting lunch or going to the beach on the weekend with my friends or watching Monday Night Football. You might not notice it if you come over for dinner or if you call me and ask for help moving a couch or if you see me scrolling social media. You might not notice it all actually. Unless you’re with me when I’m working. I should rephrase that. You might notice it if you’re with me while I’m trying to get work done.
I’m settled into my new schedule and I presume it’ll last me to the end of the year at least. I’m out of bed at 6:30 (no snoozes!) and exercised and caffeinated by 9:00 a.m., sat at the table answering emails, taking care of administrative work for the company, putting together social media posts and Spotify canvases for upcoming releases. At 10 I transition into writing time - these days that time is devoted to this blog and drafts of Running (currently on version 4) - and that began with a lot of momentum, but I’ve come to a bit of a dip in the path. I’ve mentioned this before but a lot of the hesitation there stems from my feeling that I’m missing a pivotal element that will truly elevate the work. It doesn’t feel like the movie I have in my heart just yet, and I’ve yet to be able to alchemize that feeling in my heart into a vision in my head, which leaves my fingers paralyzed. So what’s been happening is I build a lot of tension and frustration within myself every day from 10-12. Then I break for lunch and do the NYT puzzles and maybe get a little gaming in, but the anxiety hasn’t subsided recently. At 1 I head to the studio where Understanding I are finishing our last twelve songs for the year (!!) but over the last couple weeks, and after some unexpected input from our guides, I’ve been thrown into a state of confusion. I have to execute in the now while simultaneously preparing a major shift for the future. It’s a lot to keep in my head, and that makes it tougher to understand what the song at hand needs in the moment. I haven’t been able to tap into a pure state of creativity as much as I would like to but -
I feel like a broken record. I’ve said all of this many times this year on this very page. I don’t want to do that anymore. I want this to be a place for compelling thought, occasional updates, interesting perspectives. It’s starting to feel like a sad story. Let me figure some shit out, and I’ll get back to you.
-J.P.
Getting Mad at My Dog
Some days I’m quick to throw a fit. It’s too hot, or I lose my keys, or my favorite team loses a game or whatever the fuck happens and it just puts me in a mood. Then I’ll go and walk Morpheus.
Morpheus, being a dog, will be full of pure joy and excitement, appreciation for the smells and sights of the world. He wants to know what’s going on in every bush, he wants to chase every squirrel, meet every other dog, so sometimes he pulls on his leash a little bit or gets more excited than I deem acceptable and I lash out an yell at him. You know what that makes me? An idiot.
Morph is a dog! What’s the point of getting mad at him? By the time I’m done chastising him he’s already forgotten his mistake, so I’m just left in a worse mood than I was in before. Nothing makes me feel dumber than when I get mad at my dog. Getting mad at all tends to make me feel silly. What’s the use? Maybe if I can figure out a way to let it motivate me then the time isn’t wasted, but in most cases, getting mad is a silly way to spend time. I’m trying to get better. Trying to breathe more. Meditate. Appreciate the world around me like Morpheus does. It’s not so bad, ya know? I’m blessed to be fortunate enough to be able to pursue a creative passion every day of my life. What more could I ask for? Let today mark the day I try to stop getting mad at my dog.
-J.P.
Notes - 9/10/23
Our friend is staying with us for the week and he got in tonight. More on him another day. The following are some notes according to a couple hours of conversation in the living room. I reserve the right to expand on or use any of these ideas in larger context if I decide it necessary and purposeful.
The Wright Brothers crashed many planes.
PhD stands for Prehistoric Dinosaur, I believe. Everyone who receives a doctorate is tasked with preserving a prehistoric dinosaur, which is probably a redundant title. This is why the schooling takes so long.
The heart is a gift. Siri is a convenience.
Pay attention to the people who support you the way you need them to.
I think I should do a Noah Webster character.
…some other lines have slipped my mind
Bryana asked me when the last time I took a deep breath was and I said “uh… Thursday, I think.” The next draft of Running has to be different. Look out Monday, there are Beautiful Idiots headed your way.
-J.P.
Potion and Baby Blue
For the first time this year, I forgot to mention release days on this page. Easing out of our current social strategy definitely had something to do with that, as I’ve been less focused on sharing information about what’s going on. Lately I’ve been on a big just do it kick. Here’s a little piece about each of the tracks that have come out this month.
Potion is another track that took years to come out. Zane gave me the instrumental years ago, and then one day while Un and I were working on the Wu-Tang show we wrote some verses to it. There were a few periods of downtime throughout the run of the show when we would be able to take a few days to get back to our own ideas, and though we didn't know it at the time, all those days made it possible to put out as much music as we have this year by providing a backlog of content to refine. We opened it back up earlier this year and rewrote my verse and the hook, added a few layers and came out with a pretty cool funky tune. New Hippies forever.
Baby Blue is a song I wrote mostly sitting on the floor, feeling sad and trying to convince myself things will get better. Life’s like that sometimes. I really love this song, and I think it embodies the essence of Roe’s Garden pretty well. Sad and sweet, hoping for the best. Erica sang the hook really nicely, Understanding put a very sincere verse on it and Bryana did, in my opinion, one of her best collages yet for the cover. Hope that song makes you feel a little better one day.
-J.P.
September 8
Still Friday night here. Still don’t have much to say. Today was a weird day. I don’t necessarily want it to be tomorrow but I’m definitely done with today. Hope everyone has a good weekend.
That little blurb sounds very glum - I’m not necessarily glum, just kind of void of any useful thoughts. Nothing wrong with that. Enjoy the stillness when it comes.
-J.P.
September 7
I don’t really have any good ideas today. “They say to keep the practice going",” Bryana says. Bryana writes every morning, a stream of consciousness exercise to clear your mind in preparation for a new day. I think. I don’t really know. I should ask more questions.
I was just talking about questions yesterday. Was it yesterday? It might’ve been two days ago, but either way questions are fresh on my mind. As much as I say it’s important to focus on those questions actively, you can only do that for little chunks of time before you start to paralyze yourself. Obviously, it wouldn’t be beneficial to you to paralyze yourself. You want to maintain some motion. To be in motion is to be alive.
I wrote a song once called Being Alive. Go ahead, see if you can find it. It was a very long time ago. I’ve come a long way, but I still feel kind of the same. Anyway, I’ll jump into some songs we’ve been working on and try not to think too much about things I can’t fix today, and then I’ll watch some football and walk the dog and eat dinner and go to sleep full and happy.
I don’t know if this is exactly the exercise Bryana does. Her entries are much longer, which seems like it would be a little exhausting to me to be honest, but she’s over a month in and that’s something to be proud of. So there ya go, I did it. Kind of? Maybe. Who knows? Who cares? I do. That’s what matters.
-J.P.
